Worth trying tonight
What to say, word for word
When the jealousy shows
“It's okay to not love the baby yet. You didn't get to choose this.”
Permission to feel the real feeling. Forced enthusiasm goes underground and comes out sideways.
“You'll always be my first. Nobody else in the world gets that job.”
Answers the question underneath the behaviour: am I being replaced?
“The baby's crying again. Babies are hard work, aren't they?”
Sides with your older child for a moment. Being allies about the baby works better than defending it.
What's normal at this age
Before anything else: none of this means something is wrong.
Regression: baby talk, wanting the bottle back, toileting accidents, night waking.
Rough handling or 'accidental' squeezes. This needs supervision, not panic.
Asking when the baby is going back. That's honest curiosity, not cruelty.
The hardest patch landing one to three months in, once the novelty wears off and the baby is still here.
Good moments for this story: During pregnancy, to prepare for the change; In the first weeks after the baby arrives; When regression behaviours appear (clinginess, baby talk, toileting accidents); When the older child expresses jealousy or asks to 'send the baby back'; As a regular bedtime story during the adjustment period.
What's actually happening
Sibling rivalry following a new birth is universal across cultures. In Dunn & Kendrick's (1982) landmark study, 93% of firstborns became more demanding after the baby arrived, and most showed some change: clinginess, tearfulness, sleep disruption or toileting regression. The hardest patch usually lands in the first few months, then eases. Volling (2012) reviewed decades of research and found wide variation — some children wobble for a while, others barely react, and for most the disruption is temporary. What helps children through is having the hard feelings acknowledged rather than corrected.
What parents usually try
"You're a big brother/sister now!"
Frames the change as a promotion the child didn't ask for. An identity handed down from above can breed resentment; one they discover themselves tends to stick.
Equal attention splitting
Mathematically impossible with a newborn. Trying and failing creates guilt in parents and frustration in the older child.
Involving them in baby care
Can help — but only if the child chooses to participate. Involvement that's pushed on them tends to backfire.
What actually helps
Bibliotherapy gives the child a safe space to experience jealousy without consequences. The story character feels displaced — that feeling is validated, not corrected. Then the character discovers something only they can do as the older sibling. This mirrors Pardeck's (1994) model of bibliotherapy: identification with the character's problem, followed by catharsis, followed by a shift in perspective the child arrives at themselves. The insight is discovered, never imposed.
What your child hears
A story where your child discovers they haven't been replaced — they've been promoted. They find their own special role in the new family, and the baby becomes someone they want to protect.
Bibliotherapy validates the jealousy and confusion that come with a new sibling, then models a path from 'I've lost something' to 'I've gained something' — without pretending the hard feelings away.
A simple three-night plan
One story, three sittings. No preparation, no printables.
Night one: their story, no sharing
Play it in the early weeks, at a moment when the baby isn't in the room. This ten minutes belongs entirely to them.
Night two: after a hard day
Replay it on a day the jealousy showed. The character's jealousy makes their own feelings speakable.
Night three: let them find the upside
Afterwards, ask one small question: 'What can only a big brother or sister do?' Let them land on their own answer, not yours.
Want the story for night one?
A New Sibling Storystory with your child's name in it, ready in about two minutes. You read every word before they hear it.
First story free. No credit card needed.
After the story
The conversation afterwards is where a lot of the good happens. Some openers:
- “What are you excited about?”
- “What worries you?”
- “What can you teach baby?”
Try this together: Create special big kid activity/privilege
When a story isn't enough
Regression that lasts beyond a couple of months, aggression towards the baby that doesn't ease with supervision and extra attention, or an older child who goes flat and withdrawn rather than loud and cross: all worth a chat with your GP.
The research behind this approach(show)
Therapeutic stories for life transitions like potty training, school anxiety, and new siblings.
- Shechtman, Z. (2009). Treating Child and Adolescent Aggression Through Bibliotherapy. Springer.
- Pardeck, J. T. (1994). Using literature to help adolescents cope with problems. Adolescence.
- Heath, M. A., et al. (2005). Bibliotherapy: A resource to facilitate emotional healing. School Psychology International.